Wrestling with the devil

OK, I will come clean.

There's been a problem with my passionate possibility, that stained glass balloon I bought in a state of dreamlike fervor.

The fact is: it doesn't fly.

I cringe as I write this. How the h--l could I do something like THAT? Plunk down thousands of dollars for a huge billowy baby that has never been off the ground (except tethered to a lightweight rope to test its bouyancy - it was dismal).

The guy who sold it to me was a smooth-talking, real live, whiz-bang con artist (OK, his name is Steve Sprague of San Antonio, TX -- he runs his own balloon business). Who knew? Maybe he believes his own lies. But while he claims the balloon is in great shape for a "used" balloon, the experts here tell me it should be out of service (translate: junked) because it has been "rode hard and put away wet." Probably literally in this case.

There are burn holes at the edge of the fabric. An FAA supervisor pulled gently on the fabric and it split like perforated paper. The top of the balloon is so porous it will only stay aloft for five or six seconds during testing (a new balloon stays aloft 60 seconds or longer).

Worst of all, the basket pieces and parts don't fit together; the commercial pilots who helped me inflate it the one and only time it's been released from its fat, smelly bag and spread out in the grass, spent 15 minutes on each of the rope loops trying to push the wooden toggles through to attach the envelope to the basket.

The loops were not only too tight, but the ropes were too short to attach properly. My pilots jimmy-rigged the thing to attach on the OUTSIDE of the supports--illegal for an actual launch.

This was my "first balloon." A beginners balloon that would get me through training. Large enough to be able to take up some of my clients at the end of the retreats I facilitate. Do I know how to fly? I planned to take lessons from the instructors here in central NC. But even the experts won't get in this balloon. One guy told his wife (both of them commercial balloon pilots) "You don't have enough life insurance to fly in that balloon!" It was funny. But it wasn't.

Because it's MY problem. Not only did this guy sell me a piece of junk (and would I have know the difference? No-- I am a complete novice who tried hard to get good advice, but instead got the runaround), but he also ripped me off for an additional $1400. Balloons need to be "cold packed" before you turn on the burner (see how much I've learned about balloons during this whole mess?? You can be impressed later). You need a big old powerful fan for that. So at his urging, I bought a brand new 8 horsepower inflation fan from him, too, as a dealer for Firefly balloons, built right here in NC.

But when I went to their factory to pick it up (or more appropriately, called ahead to say I was coming) they refused to give it to me. Why? Because their dealer (my incredibly "resourceful" salesperson) had not paid THEM the $1400 or whatever their wholesale price was.

So I am now out $11,900 for a balloon that doesn't fly and an inflation fan (to cold pack the balloon that can't fly) that has never materialized.

So sue him, right? That's the American way.

Sprague's too smart for that. He hides all his assets in other people's names so he can claim to be broke. There are already 11 default judgments against him in civil court-the last one for $1.5 million won by a women who was seriously injured in a balloon flight with him. He had no insurance. She lost her vision in one eye and had to pay the thousands of dollars of medical bills herself. Nice guy, eh?

If you met him, that's exactly what you'd think. A little flaky around the edges, but he seems pretty solid. Helpful, even. It's all a facade, a skillful blending of lies and truth. And I am really really blind when it comes to seeing through people who are deliberately deceiving me.

We have a saying at Coach for Life: "You spot it, you got it." Meaning that if you are sarcastic, you can usually tell if someone is being sarcastic. If you don't see it in other people, you don't have in yourself. I don't deceive people deliberately. I can't imagine selling a less-than-flyable (actually dangerous) balloon to someone and pretending that it was a great bargain. I can't imagine selling a new inflation fan to someone, taking their $1400 and not delivering the product. I just don't get it. That's because I just don't HAVE it inside me. Therefore, I wasn't able to recognize it in him. Probably won't next time either, although I might be a little more cautious. Might be.

You'd think I would learn how to be brittle and thick skinned about stuff like this. But, you know, I don't WANT to learn to be brittle and tough. I like being open and accepting and loving. Heck, at a deep level, I even love this guy. He's only doing what he knows HOW to do to get by in life. At a more superficial level, I am discouraged that folks like him believe they are permitted to break in line in front of the rest of us. To push and shove to get what they want with utter disregard for anyone else.

So now I am left with the remnants of a dream shredded to ribbons. My passion for floating in the ether, allowing my clients to ascend with me, leapfrog over their fears (don't forget, I am afraid of heights!). And to live like I was dying (see blog entry by that name in this blog) take chances that seem ridiculous at the time.

It makes me sad. It makes me feel stupid. It makes me embarrassed. But it won't make me devious or vengeful. Sure, I want justice. But I'll always stand still for a good ole life lesson, even an expensive one.

So what IS the lesson? Just forget about dreams? They're all cloud vapor and summer breeze" Or is it: if you really want your dreams, set your intention and MANIFEST all over the place? Maybe I was never meant to fly this balloon, only to BUY it. It sure inspired a lot of people (most of whom don't know the nearly-tragic end of the story; at least I didn't fall from the sky in a worn-out balloon). There are people in my life who still can't believe I bought a hot air balloon, just like that.

Just like that. Hey, you know. I DID do that, didn't I? I bought it, flew down to Texas all by myself and hauled it back behind a big 15 passenger van that I bought on eBay. That took courage. And determination. And most of all faith in myself and my dreams.

No matter how bad this guy ripped me off, he can never take away my dreams. They're mine, down to the very last little sigh of ecstasy. I am living my dreams. I'll live them with or without a flyable balloon. And that can still mean criminal charges for the guy who likely never met a dream he couldn't thwart. Until now.