There is an enormous gap between my last post and this one. And a good reason for it. So what IS that reason?1. I have been busy? Yes, but that's not the reason.
2. Life has gotten in the way of my writing? True, but that's not it either.
3. I've been reluctant to post about Victor because I'd like to post good news and it hasn't been all that good....Now that rings more true.
Honestly, he's doing fine, considering the situation. A quick factual update: after months of trying to get his blood thinner to the right levels - it was up a little, down a lot, up a bit, then down - the docs finally did a cardioversion (shocked his heart after administering a lot of meds to regulate the rhythm) in late December.
I was amazed at his heart rate - it went from 120+ with lots of meds on board, to less than 80. A huge improvement. I was happy as a little lark - to have the procedure over, and to have his heart back in "normal sinus rhythm."
Until last week. On Tuesday night, when I was at GardenSpirit hosting the monthly Meetup group for ADHD adults, his heart retreated to its old patterns ... 120 heart rate, back to atrial flutter again.
Damn. Sorry for the language, but....damn.
And today we find out that the new heart medication is reacting with one of his antibiotics for cystic fibrosis....and one of them has to go. To complicate matters even more, the same heart med is suddenly unavailable to the pharmacy. Pfizer has simply stopped shipping it. What in the world??
Next step? Figure out meds, but more importantly, move ahead with an even more scary procedure, radio frequency ablation. I read about it long ago on the 'Net - the doctor goes in with a skinny little probe and essentially kills off parts of the heart that might be sending the wrong electrical impulses to the atrial part of the heart.
Sounds awful. Sounds dangerous. Sounds like a last ditch effort to save him.
I'm all for saving him. I want him around a long time.
After such a nerve-wracking January 2007, this news isn't the best. I am exhausted, frankly. Trying to be optimistic. Trying to live normally. Trying to breathe and be grateful for each day.
I am grateful, trust me.
I am also greedy. I want more days. More nights. More longevity and hugs and sweetness and love.
A neighbor and good friend who lives at the end of our street lost his wife two weeks before Thanksgiving 2007. I spent some time with him recently and he told me that Nancy's body just wore out from the onslaught of drugs and transfusions and procedures.
I suspect that's what will happen for us. Victor has been so strong for so long. He fights the fight better that anyone I know. And yet, none of us get out alive. We all die. He will too.
I refuse to accept it in the near future. But how the heck much longer can he bounce back? My own heart hurts thinking about it...
